Why To Try On The CST

So the CSTs (California Standards Tests) are taking place next week in California schools, and while teachers are spending a crapload of time reviewing for them, many are having trouble motivating the students to care.

Johnny: “Why should I care about taking the CST? Does it even affect me?”
Teacher: “Well, no.”

Wrong answer.

Gotta tell the kids the truth.

Top Reasons for Why You Should Try on the CST:

  1. Students with high CST scores live on average 4 years longer than those with low scores
  2. Best predictor of success in future standardized test-taking
  3. Statewide CST scores factor into East Coast – West Coast hip hop rivalry
  4. Patriotism
  5. Should you transfer to Hogwarts, good scores raise chance of being placed in Gryffindor*
  6. Practice concentration skills
  7. Free boat ride for student with highest score
  8. And you can take a friend
  9. Street cred
  10. Colleges definitely look at them
  11. NFL, NBA, MLB, and USATT** recruiters all look at CST scores
  12. Except for the Raiders
  13. For every question you get wrong, a fairy loses it’s wings
  14. Bubbling in correct answers reveals secret codes
  15. Swag
  16. When time travel becomes accessible to the public, those with highest CST scores get first dibs
  17. Same goes for teleportation
  18. Get yoked, mentally
  19. School with highest CST scores gets a reality show on MTV
  20. And an ice cream party
  21. Secret societies use the CST to determine potential members
  22. Good scores raise probability of winning the lottery
  23. High scorers are placed on Government list of civilians who are eligible for space travel
  24. Win a date with Justin Bieber
  25. Become eligible for Student of the Century Award

*No guarantees with the Sorting Hat
**USA Table Tennis

    Do it for 2Pac


What are some of your best reasons to try on the CST?


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4 comments
  1. Kevin said:

    look forward to reading all your blogs, all the time 🙂 love your writing and wit!

  2. melissa said:

    hahaha awesome

  3. mom said:

    I LOVE this! so funny!!!!! lol ~

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