To preface this like the thing that comes before your face, I’m sorry that it’s been so long since I have posted. And by sorry, I mean your welcome that you got a break from seeing me self-promote on Facebook. Unless of course you enjoyed reading these posts, and in that case, I am sorry mom and grandma…I’m trying to call more often. Anyway, I don’t wanna whine, but if I’m Harry Potter, then grad school has been a Dementor. But back to this post thing I decided to write. Stop interrupting me.
So a few weeks ago I started going to the bi-weekly free yoga classes at my apartment complex (which I guess would be the same place Yoga Guy lives, unless he really lives under a bridge and eats children and then sneaks into our apartment for free fitness classes). I read somewhere that working out was good for your body or something like that so I thought I should give it a go-go. Anywho, classes start at seven, but we were a little bit behind schedule and the class was getting full. At about 7:05, a short, hairy and bad smelling (that’s a lie, I didn’t smell him) guy walks in. Waltzing straight up to the teacher, he states in an accusatory tone “This class is a lot more full than usual.” First of all, who are you? Literally. I don’t recognize you. I’m no Jedi-Yogi-Master, but I haven’t seen you at any of the past five (count ’em! so healthy.) classes I have been to. Second of all, umm…should she be apologizing for being awesome and having a really great chanting voice that makes people want to do yoga with her? I don’t think so. Never apologize for who you are, cus baby you were born that way. Can I get an amen, Lady GaGa?
I was about to let this go, but then he bypasses the space on the floor next to me, and rolls out his hot pink yoga mat DIRECTLY in front of mine. The ends touch. First of all, personal space. Second of all, seriously? Directly in front of me? *Insert joke about his back making a better door/wall/opaque substance than a window**.
But then, before I can imagine myself saying something in a non-passive aggressive manner, the empty spot next to me is taken and I am stuck behind this dude like the guy in 127 Hours was stuck under the boulder. The teacher starts giving her intro speech and he is full on stretching in front me, his buttox entering my personal bubble on multiple occasions. I retreat towards the back wall as far as I can, inching slightly to the side and making annoyed faces that I hope he sees reflected in the front mirror. But that would be assuming that he was human and not a robot programmed to make my life slightly less than comfortable.
Needless to say, rather than “drawing inward”, I spend the next hour using the power of this injustice to propel me to the next level of yoga-ness. I believe it’s called Nirvana. RIP Kurt Cobain.
Point in case, don’t be that guy.
Who are the other annoying characters at gyms/yoga studios/etc?