Yoga Guy

To preface this like the thing that comes before your face, I’m sorry that it’s been so long since I have posted.  And by sorry, I mean your welcome that you got a break from seeing me self-promote on Facebook.  Unless of course you enjoyed reading these posts, and in that case, I am sorry mom and grandma…I’m trying to call more often.  Anyway, I don’t wanna whine, but if I’m Harry Potter, then grad school has been a Dementor.  But back to this post thing I decided to write. Stop interrupting me.

So a few weeks ago I started going to the  bi-weekly free yoga classes at my apartment complex (which I guess would be the same place Yoga Guy lives, unless he really lives under a bridge and eats children and then sneaks into our apartment for free fitness classes).  I read somewhere that working out was good for your body or something like that so I thought I should give it a go-go. Anywho, classes start at seven, but we were a little bit behind schedule and the class was getting full.  At about 7:05, a short, hairy and bad smelling (that’s a lie, I didn’t smell him) guy walks in.  Waltzing straight up to the teacher, he states in an accusatory tone “This class is a lot more full than usual.”  First of all, who are you? Literally. I don’t recognize you.  I’m no Jedi-Yogi-Master, but I haven’t seen you at any of the past five (count ’em! so healthy.) classes I have been to.  Second of all, umm…should she be apologizing for being awesome and having a really great chanting voice that makes people want to do yoga with her?  I don’t think so.  Never apologize for who you are, cus baby you were born that way. Can I get an amen, Lady GaGa? 

I was about to let this go, but then he bypasses the space on the floor next to me, and rolls out his hot pink yoga mat DIRECTLY in front of mine.  The ends touch.  First of all, personal space.  Second of all, seriously? Directly in front of me?  *Insert joke about his back making a better door/wall/opaque substance than a window**.

But then, before I can imagine myself saying something in a non-passive aggressive manner, the empty spot next to me is taken and I am stuck behind this dude like the guy in 127 Hours was stuck under the boulder.  The teacher starts giving her intro speech and he is full on stretching in front me, his buttox entering my personal bubble on multiple occasions.  I retreat towards the back wall as far as I can, inching slightly to the side and making annoyed faces that I hope he sees reflected in the front mirror.  But that would be assuming that he was human and not a robot programmed to make my life slightly less than comfortable.

Needless to say, rather than “drawing inward”, I spend the next hour using the power of this injustice to propel me to the next level of yoga-ness.  I believe it’s called Nirvana. RIP Kurt Cobain.

Point in case, don’t be that guy.

Who are the other annoying characters at gyms/yoga studios/etc?

  1. Kevin said:

    I know..its only me :/

    but this is hilarious brynn! i miss your blogs so I am glad you are writing them again 🙂

    The people at the gyms that get under my skin are the “gym rats” aka the muscle men, who CANNOT take their eyes off themselves in the mirror throughout the entire workout. Yes I understand there is some form to lift properly and they might be checking that, but I HIGHLY doubt it.

    and how about the grandma during the afternoons that takes up the 1 bench press for 30 minutes, I mean really? I am glad you want to get in shape but 1) you really don’t need to build up your chest and 2) ever heard of Curves? and 3) this goes out to that gym, really?? one bench press?!

    • Brynn said:

      Lolz! Those are fantastic observations. And a good note to myself 50 years from now. Cus we both know I will be a gym rat grandma.

  2. Brynn's Grandma said:

    That is so funny – especially as I am looking for a yoga class (for arthritis). Gym-rat Grandma eh? I could suggest a way you could get rid of that annoying creature Brynn………..refer to one of your previous blog posts, ha ha. I’ll say no more!

    • Brynn said:

      Hahaha…that would be the perfect weapon. You think I could blame it on him if anyone got upset?

  3. mom said:

    Thank you Brynn for a great morning release of deep laughter! I LOVE reading your posts and honestly, when you get the time (?) you might write that one bestseller that makes us all laugh out loud and feel better for the day. I find that when walking, I’m never as put together as the other “moms with stylish walk-wear and mileage gizmos” ~ not that annoying, but one does have to think they are missing out on something or will not be completely confident as to how many steps they took. lol. It’s always something! I love you! mom oxox

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