This past Friday I finished summer school! I completed five classes in 7.5 weeks. These will all go toward my teaching credential and M.Ed. And if you didn’t already know, I also did some “apprentice teaching” last semester. It was basically tutoring. Except the people your tutoring don’t really want your help.
This means I am now officially an expert and am qualified to give you advice on teaching and will ask you repeatedly if you are doing what I told you to do and how it working out for you because I know everything except how to not write run-on sentences because I got my degree in math and not English.
So here we go.
How To Be A Teacher:
- Always be eating an apple.
- And request them as gifts.
- Use words to convey information.
- Pictures are nice too.
- Learn to like people below the age of 18.
- Use fancy words like “differentiated learning” and “social curriculum” around other teachers.
- Use words like”swag” and “Snookie” around your students.
- If possible, relate every lesson to Harry Potter. (Example: Integers :: Proper Fractions as Muggle Platforms :: Wizard Platforms.)
- Stop shopping in the young adults section.
- What’s that? You don’t look like an 18 year old? You have a beard? Stop bragging.
Don’t have a Facebook.Make your Facebook private/unsearchable.
- That’s all I got.
In all seriousness, I am starting student teaching in less than a month. You have all been students. Some of you are teachers. Give me your best advice. Go.