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Along with my diary entries from when I was ten-years old, I also found my “Limited Too” journal from 6th grade.  This was more structured, meaning that it gave me places to record various things about my life.  Things I may want to know in the future.  Stuff like my most embarrassing moments, best friends, favorite colors and how dumb I was.  Yeah, I only filled out like 6 pages.  I really don’t know why anybody bothered buying me these things.

In honor of starting student teaching this year (yesterday was my first day of faculty meetings…what’s up?), I’m gonna showcase the “Predictions” page from this journal and then make some predictions of my own (click it for bigger image):

Translated:

  • My first car will be: a jeep
  • I will marry a boy named: Scott
  • My grades are going to be: outstanding
  • Next hot music group will be: a boy band
  • Next year’s popular fashion: sportswear
  • New hairstyle: same
  • Most popular color: green
  • I will become a: actress
  • I will make 10 new friends.

How did I do?

  • Wrong.  But thanks for the Aveo, Mom and Dad. I look really cool driving it.
  • Wrong. (99.99% sure.)
  • Nailed it.
  • Hmmm.
  • Seriously? Just because you thought you liked this when you wore them, doesn’t mean they were cool.
  • Same then. Same now.  Same always.
  • Timeless answer. And very specific too.
  • Actress, teacher…I mean, is there really any difference? Other than talent, personality and lack of stage fright??
  • Just for that year? No. The rest of your life? Roughly.

Predictions for this School Year:

  • The first subject I will teach: math
  • I will date a boy named: Kevin
  • My grades will be: dope
  • Next hot music group: a mariachi band
  • Next popular fashion: overalls
  • New hairstyle: same (variation: ponytail)
  • Most popular color: blue
  • I will become an: actress
  • I will make 0 to 1 new friends.

What is the square root of 162?  Leave your answer in simplest radical form. 

 

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If you are not familiar with the “My Diary” series, click here, here and here.  And here. Just kidding. Made you hover. Basically, I take an entry from the diary I kept when I was ten years old, post it here for your viewing pleasure, and attempt to make fun of myself more than the diary already does for me. 

In honor of pre-season football starting, here is the fourth and the last entry from this particular diary
(I know, I was such an overachiever.):

Breakdown:

First of all, it’s pretty obvious that you’re forcing this whole diary-writing to happen.
The first three sentences you’re only giving the reader an unenthusiastic, striped-down summary of what literally happened.  If I could go back in time, I would like to ask myself: “Why are you even bothering?”.  What is the purpose of a diary if you don’t write down all the personal details that you would never tell anyone else or that you want to remember twelve years later?  “We had a lot of fun.”  Yeah, ten-year-old Brynn? Why are you trying to deprive me of my childhood memories?

Secondly, the Seinfeld-esque* rant on the Super Bowl didn’t even sound committed.
What is it about football that you don’t like, ten-year-old Brynn? I don’t remember the last Super Bowl game that I didn’t completely enjoy, so can I at least get some insight on why this event perplexed you? (The first part of the last sentence was an untruth). Maybe you don’t understand sports because you prefer reading and lack hand-eye/foot-eye/brain-body coordination, but if your gonna criticize, put some passion into it, okay? And no, elongating a word with extra vowels does not count.

Lastly, your transitions show a lack of expertise and unconcern for this entry’s readability.
You jumped straight from “Julia” to the “Super Bowl” to “Max’s friends” to “Ian’s caterpillars”. And then you just abruptly and informally conclude.  Yes, the average reader could infer that you brought up the SB because you were breaking down this day’s events, and that possibly Max’s friends came over because of the game.  But where does Ian’s caterpillars being “crystalight” fit in? Did mom turn them into a beverage that you enjoyed at the game? Did watching them provide you reprieve from the shenanigans you believed were occurring? Did they stir any emotions that inspired you to write this diary entry? I’m afraid the reader was left confused, detached and possibly even angry.

*Imagine me standing in front of small comedy club at the age of ten: “The Super Bowl. I mean, what’s the deal with that? It’s just football!”.  Then imagine some boo-ing. No, not ghosts.

What was your favorite pet/animal growing up?

Here we go again…another excerpt from my diary, circa 1999.  This stuff writes itself, seriously, because it was already written. All I had to do was find it and take a picture of it. 

pg. 1

pg. 2

Analysis:

  1. Since Sarah wasn’t allowed to spend the night, obviously her Bitty Baby spent the night instead.
  2. This is a shout-out to all who had to settle for a Bitty Baby because American Girl dolls cost a crap-load. Holla at cho American gurl.
  3. Side-note: I permanently ruined my Bitty Baby months later while dressing her up as an “Indian” for Halloween. I drew dots and lines all over her face with a “washable” marker.  Can’t wash away the lines of prejudice.
  4. Anyways back to the diary. Dang, stop getting off track.
  5. 10:44 pm?! And TGIF? What a little BA.
  6. But…I chose to spend this time journaling under my covers.  Nerd.
  7. Also, let’s be real, the flashlight was just so that I felt cool.  Like Harriet the Spy or an Olsen twin.
  8. The second half of this entry can be summed up as “A Cry for Justice”.
  9. Pluse, you should be lucky I gave you my permisstion to read my journal.
  10. The perfume and cookies must have been pretty darn “expensiz”…seeing that I thought a LIFE SENTENCE was justified.  Sorry for yelling.
  11. Notice I didn’t say “ground for the rest of her life”, but “punish”.  Sadist.
  12. Lastly, “rude” is still my favorite adjective.  And if I’ve ever called you rude in person, you can bet there is a diary entry just like this in my current journal. Serious (Black).

Who is/was the rudest person you’ve ever met?  And/or what are your favorite cookies?

Here’s another excerpt from my old diary, and it’s just as insightful as the last one.

Transcription:

Boys Are Jerks!! (especially the ones in my family!)
3 Reasons

1. Max always gets his way, and if he doesn’t he hurts people

2. Ian throws a fit when I put away my barbies!

3. Get a load of this! Dad said “no” when I asked him if he liked the doll I made in girl scouts.

“Boys are made of greasy grimy gopher guts, mutilated monkey meat, dirty little birdie feet.  Girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice, thats what girls are made of!!” Thats what I think of boys and some girls.-Brynn

Analysis:

  1. While reason #2 may have been proof to nine-year-old Brynn that boys are jerks, today it’s just blackmail.
  2. #3…. Seriously dad? Did you have to say no? I could have been a professional doll-maker. But no, you crushed that dream.
  3. The saying at the bottom- I think this was one of the “official rhymes” in my Boy-Haters Club (formed circa 1997, membership: 2 people).  The official song was “Rockin’ Robin”.
  4. Is it really any wonder that I didn’t get a boyfriend until I was almost 18?
  5. Notice the qualifier I included after the rhyme: “and some girls”.  Is it any wonder that I only had one friend?
  6. Notice my organization with this list.  One piece of evidence for each male in my family.  I bound for academic success.

Stay tuned for more mediocre entries from my elementary school diary.

What songs are you currently obsessed with?

Below is a real excerpt from my diary in January 1999…that makes me almost 10 years old. And this, my friends, is what I wrote about. It was obviously quite traumatic.

  1. I still struggle with this problem in my family.
  2. My boyfriend is now the main accuser…you know what they say about cycles of abuse.
  3. This is proof that Ian, age 3, was just the worst. Not the worst brother…just, the worst.
  4. Why did I write this in cursive??
  5. My handwriting really hasn’t improved since.
  6. Two words: middle child
  7. Seriously ten-year-old-Brynn, was this really diary-worthy?
  8. This is the first of a grand total of four entries in this particular diary…all gems.
  9. Can I just note that I didn’t deny it?

What did you write about in your diary?