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Along with my diary entries from when I was ten-years old, I also found my “Limited Too” journal from 6th grade.  This was more structured, meaning that it gave me places to record various things about my life.  Things I may want to know in the future.  Stuff like my most embarrassing moments, best friends, favorite colors and how dumb I was.  Yeah, I only filled out like 6 pages.  I really don’t know why anybody bothered buying me these things.

In honor of starting student teaching this year (yesterday was my first day of faculty meetings…what’s up?), I’m gonna showcase the “Predictions” page from this journal and then make some predictions of my own (click it for bigger image):

Translated:

  • My first car will be: a jeep
  • I will marry a boy named: Scott
  • My grades are going to be: outstanding
  • Next hot music group will be: a boy band
  • Next year’s popular fashion: sportswear
  • New hairstyle: same
  • Most popular color: green
  • I will become a: actress
  • I will make 10 new friends.

How did I do?

  • Wrong.  But thanks for the Aveo, Mom and Dad. I look really cool driving it.
  • Wrong. (99.99% sure.)
  • Nailed it.
  • Hmmm.
  • Seriously? Just because you thought you liked this when you wore them, doesn’t mean they were cool.
  • Same then. Same now.  Same always.
  • Timeless answer. And very specific too.
  • Actress, teacher…I mean, is there really any difference? Other than talent, personality and lack of stage fright??
  • Just for that year? No. The rest of your life? Roughly.

Predictions for this School Year:

  • The first subject I will teach: math
  • I will date a boy named: Kevin
  • My grades will be: dope
  • Next hot music group: a mariachi band
  • Next popular fashion: overalls
  • New hairstyle: same (variation: ponytail)
  • Most popular color: blue
  • I will become an: actress
  • I will make 0 to 1 new friends.

What is the square root of 162?  Leave your answer in simplest radical form. 

 

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Today’s blog post has been unforcefully taken over by famous (yes, famous) blogger Tyler Tarver.  He’s a math teacher, an Arkansan, father, husband, author and facial hair grower. And he still finds the time to crap out daily comedic genius on his blog tylertarver.com.  I’m actually a little annoyed with him, because his blog posts make me giggle like the little girl I am, ruining any chances I have at projecting a “tuff” exterior.  I blame my lack of street cred on him. Anyways, you should buy his book, “Words [& sentences]”.  I mean, I like it.

Reading Tarver's book..duh.

Seeing that he is a math teacher, he is automatically my hero. Wait, what did I say? I mean, I figured he should write about math. You know, help a sister out with some knowledge I can drop on my students.  So, here we are ladies and gents:

________________________________________________________________________________________________


Using Math in Real-Life

by Tyler Tarver



As a secondary math teacher, I hear the phrase “when will I ever use this in real-life” more than an ugly person hears they have a great personality. You’re a personality, MOM!

My top 2 answers:

•    I use it all the time.

•    On the test.

But it’s time, nay, it is time. See that. When I drop the contraction you know crap’s about to go down like the 2nd Rescuers Movie (the one with the rats or mice or whatever).

Here are some common situations when using in math in real-life saves lives, face, Ferris, and the last dance.

At the Club: When you’re making it rain on some girl, you don’t want to be using all your hundreds, cause then you can’t afford dem rims you be wantin to be ridin dirty spinnas. Calculate the time per seconds it takes for you to flick a dollar (dps) and divide the total seconds by that to find how many bills a playa gonna need. If you have to, just cash those dollars in for tokens at your neighborhood Chucky Cheese and make it hail on them [ladies].

Long paragraph, but vital. FYI: Making it rain means throwing money on chicks, respectfully.

Pirates of the Caribbean: There’s like 23 of them out there, how do you know what order to watch them if you don’t know numbers? I’ll tell you, blindfolded. That’s right, learn math, or walk through life blindfolded and pregnant. Hey, don’t blame me, you’re the one droppin Hamiltons at the club, shawty.

High-5s: No one wants to be that guy that throws up a high 3. The last guy that did that was Frank from 4th grade writing class. You know where he is now? Dead. Well, not dead, but he drives a PT Cruiser, so, potatoes/poe-tot-oes.

If the Matrix becomes Real: It’s more of a chance than you’d think. This one time I was totally in this room and this guy ran in and was all like “hey” and I was like “hey” and he said “Mr. Anderson?” and I said “Agent Smith” and then I was all like boom boom pshew pshew and he was like pop pop pow pow and then I made all that up but it’s okay cause you look really hot and you quit reading during the club paragraph.

Just drop out and get some abs and be on a reality show.

What’s your favorite number?

Tyler Tarver is more fun than the 3rd hour of Monopoly, but less entertaining than two shoes. You can check out his website tylertarver.com, subscribe to it here, check him on Twitter @tylertarver, or just buy his brand new toilet book which he won’t shutup about titled Words&Sentences that 4 people have said is “funnier than sliced bread.” He’s not as attractive as you, but he sure does love you.

This past Friday I finished summer school! I completed five classes in 7.5 weeks.  These will all go toward my teaching credential and M.Ed. And if you didn’t already know, I also did some “apprentice teaching” last semester.  It was basically tutoring.  Except the people your tutoring don’t really want your help.

This means I am now officially an expert and am qualified to give you advice on teaching and will ask you repeatedly if you are doing what I told you to do and how it working out for you because I know everything except how to not write run-on sentences because I got my degree in math and not English.

So here we go.

How To Be A Teacher:

  1. Always be eating an apple.
  2. And request them as gifts.
  3. Use words to convey information.
  4. Pictures are nice too.
  5. Learn to like people below the age of 18.
  6. Use fancy words like “differentiated learning” and “social curriculum” around other teachers.
  7. Use words like”swag” and “Snookie” around your students.
  8. If possible, relate every lesson to Harry Potter. (Example: Integers :: Proper Fractions as Muggle Platforms :: Wizard Platforms.)
  9. Stop shopping in the young adults section.
  10. What’s that? You don’t look like an 18 year old? You have a beard? Stop bragging.
  11. Don’t have a Facebook. Make your Facebook private/unsearchable.
  12. That’s all I got.

In all seriousness, I am starting student teaching in less than a month. You have all been students. Some of you are teachers. Give me your best advice. Go.

So I spent a large chunk of this past weekend watching the fourth season of “Boy Meets World”. I used to watch this show religiously.  I also turned out to be an okay person.  It didn’t take long before I put two and two together (I have a degree in math. So ya, I’m pretty good at addition sometimes).

I know my parents would like to take credit for my character, but I would wager that there is pretty strong correlation between “Boy Meets World” fans and non-murderers.

So here are five things I learned from “Boy Meets World”:

  1. Episode: Sixteen Candles and Four-Hundred-Pound Men – Cory promises to help Frankie connect with his wrestler father by feeding him wrestling tips to give to his dad at a match.  Match falls on the same day as Topanga’s 16th birthday partyCory fails at being in two places at once.
    Lesson:Don’t commit to two things at the same time. OR Find a girlfriend/boyfriend who will understand when you miss their sixteenth birthday to help your friend connect with his professional-wrestler father.

    Conflict resolution and compromising skills.

  2. Episode: Turkey Day – Shawn and Cory, in a quest to eat more stuffing, ask their parents to combine Thanksgiving dinners at Shawn’s trailer park.  Parents make things really awkward.
    Lesson: Don’t associate with people from other social classes. JK. (That stands for “joking, k?”).  No, but really. This episode shows that all people should be able to come together and enjoy turkey, despite race or class.  Just like on the first Thanksgiving.
    *Also, note to Cory: next time, invite Shawn’s family over to YOUR house.


    Arguing over who gets the stuffing.

  3. Episode: Cult Fiction- Shawn starts hanging out with a group that “is not a cult”, despite all of the creepy things they say and their hatred of laughter.  He re-evaluates this decision after Mr. Turner is in a motorcycle accident.
    Lesson: Don’t join a cult. Also, don’t join a group that needs to keep insisting they “are not a cult”.

    Shawn reflecting on being in a cult.

  4. Episode: Quiz Show – Shawn, Cory and Topanga star on an academic quiz show. When the producers realize that Shawn and Cory’s good hair and pop-culture knowledge get the audience excited, the show “goes from brainy to brainless”.  Mr. Feeny is mad.
    Lesson: Good looks and popularity won’t help you answer “Who invented the printing press?”.  I really owe it to this episode….it would have been SO easy to rely on my good hair and non-social-awkwardness. “I don’t know anything. I’m just cute and fun to watch.” -Shawn.

                                                
    http://fuckyeahboymeetsworld-.tumblr.com/Correctly answering “What is the exact location of the moon?”

  5. Episode: Learning to Fly – Eric takes Shawn and Cory to visit the college he wants to attend.  Topanga lies and says her aunt won’t let her come. At this college nobody learns anything.  A college girl want to “have fun” with Cory.
    Lesson: Easy way out = bad.  Mr. Feeny’s advice = good.
    BONUS Lesson: It’s okay to wait to “do stuff” with your boyfriend or girlfriend.  Also, don’t “do stuff” with a college student if you are still in high school.  Illegal in many states.


    Cory deciding whether or not to do stuff with college girl.

Did I miss anything? What lessons have you learned from BMW or other shows or other luxury cars?

This is where I’m going to share ten things with you on Tuesday because I think alliteration is fun. And I’m going to alternate photos and sentences because I like patterns.

1.  I learned about The Monty Hall Problem in my class, and spent the whole weekend teaching it to all of my friends.  Check it out. (After re-reading this, I’m really surprised I still have any friends.)

2.  I took this at the La Jolla Public Library right after I got my library card and checked out a stack Mary Higgins Clark books. Proof that librarians can have a sense of humor.

Library jokes.

3. Just when I thought that I experienced the epitome of a yoga dude being annoying, last night I sat between TWO dudes (the only ones in the class) who thought that the appropriate distance between yoga mats is only about 7 or 8 inches.  During one pose, the only thing I was concentrating on was not getting stabbed in the eye.

4. In “Teaching Content Literacy”, my group had to make a Venn diagram of The Black Plague and AIDS. Nailed it.

Group venn diagram on the black plague and AIDS. Nailed it.

5.  On a side note, I’m still not sure how the aforementioned class is going to help me teach math…

6. Apparently, you can’t play this word in Hanging with Friends. Muggles.

Couldn't play it. Muggles.

7.  When I get a corgi one day, you can fully expect me to stop writing on this blog and contribute full-time to this site: OCD: Obsessive Corgi Disorder.

8. Two words: Mathematical Miracle. I dub thee “Blessed Grocery Purchase”. But seriously, has this ever happened to you?

Mathematical miracle.

9.  If you are ever looking to be bored out of your minds, go right ahead and check out the “teacher website” I created. The pictures are the best part.

AND LAST, BUT NOT LEAST…

10.  On Wednesday, August 17th, the biggest event to ever transpire on my blog will take place…drum roll please….Tyler Tarver is guest posting!  If you know me in real-life, then you know I’m always lol-ing over something this guy has written.  He is a math teacher in Arkansas (yes, people live there), but his blog is about much funnier things than math.  He recently came out with a book Words & Sentences, and is doing to 2-D Book Tour via guest-posting.
Read (or just buy) this book.
My copy. You can’t borrow. You have to buy it.

So this is what YOU have to do:

  • Mark the date August 17th, 2011 on your calendar so you don’t miss this guest post.
  • Read some of my favorite posts of his to get all warmed up.  I wouldn’t want you pulling any muscles

Dear Seth

Letter from my 13 year old Self

Email Forwards and Creative Sarcasm

Happy April Fools Day

What is a blog you highly recommend?

Gotta get down on Friday. And by “get down”, I mean write a short meaningless blog post.

So here we go…here are a few things I have learned this week:

  1. Gotta have my bowl. Gotta have cereal.
  2. Just kidding. Lol haha rotfl hehe baha nvm brb gtg jk
  3. I shouldn’t wear a white shirt, my blue “Madison Volunteer” lanyard, and a big smile on my face to WalMart unless I want to help people find toilet paper.
  4. Relating mathematical ideas to sports is ineffective if they don’t actually get to play the sport. Unless by “effective” you mean “putting students to sleep”. Then yes, it’s highly effective.
  5. Yo-yo-ing…bringing it back.
  6. You can buy a Luchador thumb mask. Epic thumb-wrestling? Yes please.
  7. According to a student, wearing a calculator on my volunteer lanyard gives me street cred. Dat’s right.
  8. That’s the second time I have used “street cred” on this blog. You know how I do.
  9. Note to teachers: it’s not summer yet….you still need to teach. And no, movies don’t count.
  10. I can fit a burrito the size of a newborn in my stomach. Not sure if this is an accomplishment.
  11. Despite the slacks, despite the blouses, and despite my womanly confidence, school administrators still think I’m a high school student. All I want are bathroom privileges.

Anyway, I gotta go prepare for Saturday:

This is what those “May 21st” signs are talking about, no?

Do you ever use addition or subtraction in real life?

When I was in Malawi this past summer, a friend told me that a way to improve your confidence is to come up with a couple things a day that you like about yourself.  I did this for a couple days and then forgot.  (I can’t even remember to water a plant, let alone water my garden of self-perception).

But those rare moments siting under a mosquito net and journaling positive things about myself for the first time were really challenging. I wasn’t used to this kind of journaling.  I was cleaning out my room last summer and found an old diary from fifth or sixth grade. In it was a grotesque picture I drew of myself with labels to describe everything I considered a flaw.  As I grew older, the writing in my diaries matured, but the theme of self-criticism remained.  It goes without saying that we usually don’t give ourselves the kind of love and grace that we freely give others.

I was recently reminded of this activity by a guest speaker in my writing class (you can check out her blog here).  So I thought I would share a few things that I like about myself:

1. I really love math
Duh. I talk about it way too much. But I like that I enjoy solving math problems and that I want others to be good at math and maybe even enjoy it with me.

2. I can eat a lot of cheese. Seriously.
My boyfriend calls me a mouse. (Mice are cute!) My roommates don’t understand why I need the 2 lb block of Tillamook Cheddar. (Well, maybe Sho does.)  Woman’s Health tells me it’s unhealthy to eat in such large quantities. (Hey, I’m proving science wrong! That means I am smart.) And my lactose intolerant stomach thinks I am cruel and unusual. (He’s just gonna have to deal.) In conclusion, I’m awesome.

3. My pinkies are crooked.
Yes, some students have told me I am mutated and have requested that I don’t use my pinkies to point to their math work.  But, I had a lot of fun as a child convincing people (by “people”, I mean my little brother) that they broke my finger. And now, it reminds me of my mom, who has the same kink in her little fingers.  I hope I pass this trait to my daughter (in the future…jeeze, don’t be so presumptuous).

4.  I’m a “clean freak”.
Stop laughing mom. Things are different in college.
I have grown to be a little bit Danny Tanner sometimes (especially in the kitchen). But rather than feeling bad about this compulsion to unleash Scrubbing Bubbles every time I make a sandwich or pour myself a glass of water, I understand that a clean kitchen makes me happy and I can use this to bless other people (i.e. cleaning up after parties, keeping them from contracting ebola, etc).

5. I’m beautiful
And so are you! Seriously, you are ridiculously good looking. At UCSD, there has been this underground movement of people posting sticky notes on the mirrors of the girls bathrooms that say “Smile! You are Beautiful”.  Whenever I see these, they immediately brighten that moment when I am armed to criticize.  I actually smile at myself and move on with my day. I wish this was something I could believe all the time everyday, but I don’t.  But by making it a practice to be happy with the way I am, I free myself to tell others that they are beautiful.

(All photos found on Google Images. Except the one of my pinkies. That would be weird.)

What are your five? And/or do you like cheese?
(I really want to hear from you! I promise it’s not creepy.)