I’m famous now.

Partially because of the mathematically ground-breaking guest post by Tyler Tarver on Wednesday. But mostly because I was on the news.  Channel 8, ever heard of it?? That’s right, punk.

I was just walking down the street, gunna get a playa some ice*, when I was spotted.  Well, Kevin was spotted too, but he choked under the pressure. Leave it to the professionals, Kev.

The news anchor wanted to talk about the impending grocery store strike. 

Hadn’t heard of it until that moment.  Minor detail, really.

Let’s get back to how I’m famous now.  He asked me a few questions and I think I pretty much nailed them.  At the end, he said he agreed with me.  But they cut that part out. They cut most of it out actually.  They pushed me out to use more footage of the president of the union. Pshhh. Like, whatever.

I can’t embed it in this post, but here is the link for your viewing pleasure:
(I’ll let you guess which one I am…)

Grocery stores getting ready for possible strike – San Diego, California News Station – KFMB Channel 8 – cbs8.com.

You guys, everything is going to be ok. I'm famous now.

Kevin and I decided our celebrity couple name should be Kevynn.

*Ice Cream

What was your 15 minutes (or 2 seconds..whatevs) of fame? Or what would you like it to be?

**Update: They added new videos, so you have to scroll the third one (the oldest) in the box under the player. I’m still not sure why I wasn’t called to weigh in on the new videos.**

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Today’s blog post has been unforcefully taken over by famous (yes, famous) blogger Tyler Tarver.  He’s a math teacher, an Arkansan, father, husband, author and facial hair grower. And he still finds the time to crap out daily comedic genius on his blog tylertarver.com.  I’m actually a little annoyed with him, because his blog posts make me giggle like the little girl I am, ruining any chances I have at projecting a “tuff” exterior.  I blame my lack of street cred on him. Anyways, you should buy his book, “Words [& sentences]”.  I mean, I like it.

Reading Tarver's book..duh.

Seeing that he is a math teacher, he is automatically my hero. Wait, what did I say? I mean, I figured he should write about math. You know, help a sister out with some knowledge I can drop on my students.  So, here we are ladies and gents:

________________________________________________________________________________________________


Using Math in Real-Life

by Tyler Tarver



As a secondary math teacher, I hear the phrase “when will I ever use this in real-life” more than an ugly person hears they have a great personality. You’re a personality, MOM!

My top 2 answers:

•    I use it all the time.

•    On the test.

But it’s time, nay, it is time. See that. When I drop the contraction you know crap’s about to go down like the 2nd Rescuers Movie (the one with the rats or mice or whatever).

Here are some common situations when using in math in real-life saves lives, face, Ferris, and the last dance.

At the Club: When you’re making it rain on some girl, you don’t want to be using all your hundreds, cause then you can’t afford dem rims you be wantin to be ridin dirty spinnas. Calculate the time per seconds it takes for you to flick a dollar (dps) and divide the total seconds by that to find how many bills a playa gonna need. If you have to, just cash those dollars in for tokens at your neighborhood Chucky Cheese and make it hail on them [ladies].

Long paragraph, but vital. FYI: Making it rain means throwing money on chicks, respectfully.

Pirates of the Caribbean: There’s like 23 of them out there, how do you know what order to watch them if you don’t know numbers? I’ll tell you, blindfolded. That’s right, learn math, or walk through life blindfolded and pregnant. Hey, don’t blame me, you’re the one droppin Hamiltons at the club, shawty.

High-5s: No one wants to be that guy that throws up a high 3. The last guy that did that was Frank from 4th grade writing class. You know where he is now? Dead. Well, not dead, but he drives a PT Cruiser, so, potatoes/poe-tot-oes.

If the Matrix becomes Real: It’s more of a chance than you’d think. This one time I was totally in this room and this guy ran in and was all like “hey” and I was like “hey” and he said “Mr. Anderson?” and I said “Agent Smith” and then I was all like boom boom pshew pshew and he was like pop pop pow pow and then I made all that up but it’s okay cause you look really hot and you quit reading during the club paragraph.

Just drop out and get some abs and be on a reality show.

What’s your favorite number?

Tyler Tarver is more fun than the 3rd hour of Monopoly, but less entertaining than two shoes. You can check out his website tylertarver.com, subscribe to it here, check him on Twitter @tylertarver, or just buy his brand new toilet book which he won’t shutup about titled Words&Sentences that 4 people have said is “funnier than sliced bread.” He’s not as attractive as you, but he sure does love you.

No, I’m not an expert at hunting animals.  Unless you consider stalking out my neighbor’s dogs for the chance to pet/stare at them “hunting”.

But I am currently hunting for apartments. 

Yeah, it’s the worst.

Don’t get me wrong. I am stoked to be living in a new place, in a new part of town, with two amazing girls.  But God sure is taking me on a journey of patience and persistence in this process.  But between praying, driving down the same streets every day looking for rent signs, and downloading the Craigslist app to my phone, I think something should turn up soon.

But since I have been at this for a couple months now, I’m obviously an expert and once again qualified to give you my advice.

Here are some tips for shopping Craigslist apartments:

  1. Avoid the Rerun: This is that apartment that is up for rent and “available now” that you swear you saw when you were looking two months ago.  Actually, you have seen it everyday for the past two months.  And it’s always “available now”.  Not only that, the poster needs to keep reiterating that it is a “BEAUTIFUL APARTMENT!!” in a “SAFE AREA!!” and is a “GREAT DEAL!!”.  There is a reason it is still up, and it may or may not have to do with what looks like a drug dealer in the Google-Map “street view”.
  2. Technology is your best friend:  You are on Craiglist.  This means you have also access to Google-maps.  Check out the address pronto.  Does “walking distance from shops” actually mean it is located behind a liquor store?  When it says “minutes from the freeway”, how many minutes are we looking at?  And when it says “great location!”, is it? How many houses on the block have rock-yards rather than grass?
  3. Make sure the place exists: Is there an address? A photograph? Sure, you found a perfect place.  It’s in your budget. It’s in the city you want to live. And it has a washer/dryer (this is worth about 546 points on BOARS*).  There is just one thing, you have no idea where it is or what it looks like.  And then when you call they put you on hold and make you listen to a local radio station and right when you are about to write down the number from the Cash4Gold advertisement, they pick the phone and tell you the place was miss-listed but they have a ton of places in your budget that you will absolutely love and you can only see them if you stop by their office and pay a small free of $39 per applicant and give them your social security number and passport.  I made that last part up, but seriously.  No pics, no pick.

I'm loving the brown grass.

*Brynn’s Official Apartment Rating Scale

What have you done in the past to get an apartment/house?? And/or do you have a place in San Diego that I can live in for a year?? Thanks so much. I love you.

Harry Potter, butterflies and the debt crisis.

What do these things have in common?

Nothing. Sorry! like the board game. I tricked you.

But now that you are reading this, you might as well stay a while, right? (This is where you force a laugh, accept some of the expired cookies I offer you, and then stay to be polite.)

I thought it would be fun to do a post where I use math to describe some facets of my life.

Like I posted on my “new about me” and like I have seen on many blogs I read, y’all don’t like math that much. Sorry about the “y’all”. It just felt right.

So here we go…these are some graphs that I drew:

1. The exponential relationship between my responsibilities and productivity level.

2. The inverse relationship between my advanced math skills and basic math skills.

3. The hyperbolic relationship between my mental and physical health.

If you got to this point, you are my new best friend.

In other news…

I’m outta of school for a bit, which means a couple things: I have free time & I need to get ahead of the schedule on some responsibilities. So I need your help.

1) Give me your Netflix/Hulu show and movie recommendations.

AND/OR

2) I need to research ideas for a math workshop for middle/high school girls. Should be fun and rich in math content. (Stop laughing.) Any ideas?? (Past workshops featured Rubik’s Cube, Sudoku, origami, etc….and tied them in with math concepts.)

P.S. Thank you for all the teaching advice I received on my last post! You guys are the best. You’re the best around and nothing’s ever gonna bring you down.

This past Friday I finished summer school! I completed five classes in 7.5 weeks.  These will all go toward my teaching credential and M.Ed. And if you didn’t already know, I also did some “apprentice teaching” last semester.  It was basically tutoring.  Except the people your tutoring don’t really want your help.

This means I am now officially an expert and am qualified to give you advice on teaching and will ask you repeatedly if you are doing what I told you to do and how it working out for you because I know everything except how to not write run-on sentences because I got my degree in math and not English.

So here we go.

How To Be A Teacher:

  1. Always be eating an apple.
  2. And request them as gifts.
  3. Use words to convey information.
  4. Pictures are nice too.
  5. Learn to like people below the age of 18.
  6. Use fancy words like “differentiated learning” and “social curriculum” around other teachers.
  7. Use words like”swag” and “Snookie” around your students.
  8. If possible, relate every lesson to Harry Potter. (Example: Integers :: Proper Fractions as Muggle Platforms :: Wizard Platforms.)
  9. Stop shopping in the young adults section.
  10. What’s that? You don’t look like an 18 year old? You have a beard? Stop bragging.
  11. Don’t have a Facebook. Make your Facebook private/unsearchable.
  12. That’s all I got.

In all seriousness, I am starting student teaching in less than a month. You have all been students. Some of you are teachers. Give me your best advice. Go.

This is a topic I have already covered here. But it turns out that there are many more ways to not approach a girl. You are probably thinking of some right now, so stop. Pay attention to me. Sorry for being so controlling. Can we be friends again?

Cool. Well here is a real life dialogue that existed between me and a member of the opposite sex yesterday.

I’m gonna preface this.

About a month ago, I was walking to the bus stop by the med school on campus to get a ride home.  As I approached the waiting area, I saw a guy wearing dark sunglasses.  He kinda looked like a dude I went to high school with but haven’t seen in years.  So of course, as I walked by him, I tried to catch a glimpse.  Awkwardly enough, as I passed him, he looked up.  He stared straight at me. Out of his mouth came words I did not expect to hear.

“How you doing?”

Really, Joey Tribbiani?

I was caught off guard. I sputtered out an indiscernible noise, contorted my face and kept walking until I reached the bench on the other side of the cement wall.  A minute later, his bus came by and as got on, he was staring me down. I felt scared for my life for like thirty seconds but then I got a text message.

Back to yesterday.

I am approaching the bus stop once again.  I see this same dude sitting at the bus stop bench.  At least I’m pretty sure it’s the same guy.  So in a completely non-over-reactive way, I decide to sit as far as possible. On wet grass. Under a tree.

Now I’m just sitting there playing on my cell phone. I am genuinely preoccupied trying to figure out my budget for the month. And playing Hanging with Friends. Whatever. Regardless, I thought I was safe.  But before I can even finish guessing a whole word, I look up and this dude is kneeling next to me. Words are coming out of his mouth.

I transcribed the whole thing for your reading pleasure:

Dude: How you doing? (It’s not at all weird to be talking to a preoccupied stranger.)

Me: Um. Fine. (Why are you talking to me?)

Dude: What college are you in?

Me: I’m a grad student.

Dude: You’re a grad student?

Me: Yup. (I know, I look like an 18 year old)

Dude: So what you are studying?

Me: Education.

Dude: That’s cool. What college is that?

Me: The colleges are only for undergrads. But I used to be in Sixth. (Since you seem so interested in the college system)

Dude: What’s that?

Me: Do you even go here? (Why are you on my campus?)

Dude: No. (Chick probably thinks I’m a doctor or something. Bonus points!)

Let me just point out that this whole time I am still looking at my phone.

Me: It’s right there. *Pointing to Sixth College* (You should go over there and look.)

Dude: That’s cool.

Me: Mmhmm. (Is it though?)

Dude: What do you study in that college?

Me: It doesn’t work like that*.

Dude: Ohh. So what did you major in?

My bus pulls up. Hallelujah, right? Wrong. Dude starts following me.

Dude: Soo…what did you study? (Second time’s the charm.)

Me: Math. (You are still here. That’s disappointing)

Dude: What is your favorite kind of math?

Me: Are you getting on this bus? (Please say no.)

Dude: Maybe.

Me: Do you even know where you are going? (I am genuinely worried for your mental stability.)

Dude: Do you like Algebra? (She’s gonna think I’m so smart.)

Me: I like Geometry. (I prefer Real Analysis, but I don’t want to embarrass you more than you are already embarrassing yourself.)

Dude: Here’s an equation for you.

Me: (Oh God)**

I am now getting on the bus and searching for a seat. And yes. He is now on the bus too.

Dude: What’s “You + Me”? (Nailed it.)

Me: Not happening. (Perfect exit question. Thank you.)

I keep walking, and find a seat on the back of the bus, avoiding looking at him the best I can. He sits a couple seats ahead of me.  When he gets off (at the next stop. yup.) he shouts “Goodbye and good luck” at me.  You can keep your luck. Apply it toward life skills.

Who lets boys use these pick-up lines? Who taught taught them these things? Have they ever spoken to a female before?

I’m not mad. I’m just disappointed.

However, it does prove the claim I made in class today:

My contribution to class.

*UCSD’s undergrad is broken up into six colleges.  They are not major specific. They just have different themes. It’s like Hogwarts.

**Is it bad that for a split second I thought he would actually give me a math problem and I got a little bit excited? Only for a split second. I promise.

On a lighter note, look at this. I’m pretty sure it’s a Furby.

What are some of the worst pick up lines you have heard? And/or do you have any advice for this dude? Your thoughts – give them to me.

So I spent a large chunk of this past weekend watching the fourth season of “Boy Meets World”. I used to watch this show religiously.  I also turned out to be an okay person.  It didn’t take long before I put two and two together (I have a degree in math. So ya, I’m pretty good at addition sometimes).

I know my parents would like to take credit for my character, but I would wager that there is pretty strong correlation between “Boy Meets World” fans and non-murderers.

So here are five things I learned from “Boy Meets World”:

  1. Episode: Sixteen Candles and Four-Hundred-Pound Men – Cory promises to help Frankie connect with his wrestler father by feeding him wrestling tips to give to his dad at a match.  Match falls on the same day as Topanga’s 16th birthday partyCory fails at being in two places at once.
    Lesson:Don’t commit to two things at the same time. OR Find a girlfriend/boyfriend who will understand when you miss their sixteenth birthday to help your friend connect with his professional-wrestler father.

    Conflict resolution and compromising skills.

  2. Episode: Turkey Day – Shawn and Cory, in a quest to eat more stuffing, ask their parents to combine Thanksgiving dinners at Shawn’s trailer park.  Parents make things really awkward.
    Lesson: Don’t associate with people from other social classes. JK. (That stands for “joking, k?”).  No, but really. This episode shows that all people should be able to come together and enjoy turkey, despite race or class.  Just like on the first Thanksgiving.
    *Also, note to Cory: next time, invite Shawn’s family over to YOUR house.


    Arguing over who gets the stuffing.

  3. Episode: Cult Fiction- Shawn starts hanging out with a group that “is not a cult”, despite all of the creepy things they say and their hatred of laughter.  He re-evaluates this decision after Mr. Turner is in a motorcycle accident.
    Lesson: Don’t join a cult. Also, don’t join a group that needs to keep insisting they “are not a cult”.

    Shawn reflecting on being in a cult.

  4. Episode: Quiz Show – Shawn, Cory and Topanga star on an academic quiz show. When the producers realize that Shawn and Cory’s good hair and pop-culture knowledge get the audience excited, the show “goes from brainy to brainless”.  Mr. Feeny is mad.
    Lesson: Good looks and popularity won’t help you answer “Who invented the printing press?”.  I really owe it to this episode….it would have been SO easy to rely on my good hair and non-social-awkwardness. “I don’t know anything. I’m just cute and fun to watch.” -Shawn.

                                                
    http://fuckyeahboymeetsworld-.tumblr.com/Correctly answering “What is the exact location of the moon?”

  5. Episode: Learning to Fly – Eric takes Shawn and Cory to visit the college he wants to attend.  Topanga lies and says her aunt won’t let her come. At this college nobody learns anything.  A college girl want to “have fun” with Cory.
    Lesson: Easy way out = bad.  Mr. Feeny’s advice = good.
    BONUS Lesson: It’s okay to wait to “do stuff” with your boyfriend or girlfriend.  Also, don’t “do stuff” with a college student if you are still in high school.  Illegal in many states.


    Cory deciding whether or not to do stuff with college girl.

Did I miss anything? What lessons have you learned from BMW or other shows or other luxury cars?