This is a topic I have already covered here. But it turns out that there are many more ways to not approach a girl. You are probably thinking of some right now, so stop. Pay attention to me. Sorry for being so controlling. Can we be friends again?
Cool. Well here is a real life dialogue that existed between me and a member of the opposite sex yesterday.
I’m gonna preface this.
About a month ago, I was walking to the bus stop by the med school on campus to get a ride home. As I approached the waiting area, I saw a guy wearing dark sunglasses. He kinda looked like a dude I went to high school with but haven’t seen in years. So of course, as I walked by him, I tried to catch a glimpse. Awkwardly enough, as I passed him, he looked up. He stared straight at me. Out of his mouth came words I did not expect to hear.
“How you doing?”
Really, Joey Tribbiani?
I was caught off guard. I sputtered out an indiscernible noise, contorted my face and kept walking until I reached the bench on the other side of the cement wall. A minute later, his bus came by and as got on, he was staring me down. I felt scared for my life for like thirty seconds but then I got a text message.
Back to yesterday.
I am approaching the bus stop once again. I see this same dude sitting at the bus stop bench. At least I’m pretty sure it’s the same guy. So in a completely non-over-reactive way, I decide to sit as far as possible. On wet grass. Under a tree.
Now I’m just sitting there playing on my cell phone. I am genuinely preoccupied trying to figure out my budget for the month. And playing Hanging with Friends. Whatever. Regardless, I thought I was safe. But before I can even finish guessing a whole word, I look up and this dude is kneeling next to me. Words are coming out of his mouth.
I transcribed the whole thing for your reading pleasure:
Dude: How you doing? (It’s not at all weird to be talking to a preoccupied stranger.)
Me: Um. Fine. (Why are you talking to me?)
Dude: What college are you in?
Me: I’m a grad student.
Dude: You’re a grad student?
Me: Yup. (I know, I look like an 18 year old)
Dude: So what you are studying?
Dude: That’s cool. What college is that?
Me: The colleges are only for undergrads. But I used to be in Sixth. (Since you seem so interested in the college system)
Dude: What’s that?
Me: Do you even go here? (Why are you on my campus?)
Dude: No. (Chick probably thinks I’m a doctor or something. Bonus points!)
Let me just point out that this whole time I am still looking at my phone.
Me: It’s right there. *Pointing to Sixth College* (You should go over there and look.)
Dude: That’s cool.
Me: Mmhmm. (Is it though?)
Dude: What do you study in that college?
Me: It doesn’t work like that*.
Dude: Ohh. So what did you major in?
My bus pulls up. Hallelujah, right? Wrong. Dude starts following me.
Dude: Soo…what did you study? (Second time’s the charm.)
Me: Math. (You are still here. That’s disappointing)
Dude: What is your favorite kind of math?
Me: Are you getting on this bus? (Please say no.)
Me: Do you even know where you are going? (I am genuinely worried for your mental stability.)
Dude: Do you like Algebra? (She’s gonna think I’m so smart.)
Me: I like Geometry. (I prefer Real Analysis, but I don’t want to embarrass you more than you are already embarrassing yourself.)
Dude: Here’s an equation for you.
Me: (Oh God)**
I am now getting on the bus and searching for a seat. And yes. He is now on the bus too.
Dude: What’s “You + Me”? (Nailed it.)
Me: Not happening. (Perfect exit question. Thank you.)
I keep walking, and find a seat on the back of the bus, avoiding looking at him the best I can. He sits a couple seats ahead of me. When he gets off (at the next stop. yup.) he shouts “Goodbye and good luck” at me. You can keep your luck. Apply it toward life skills.
Who lets boys use these pick-up lines? Who taught taught them these things? Have they ever spoken to a female before?
I’m not mad. I’m just disappointed.
However, it does prove the claim I made in class today:
*UCSD’s undergrad is broken up into six colleges. They are not major specific. They just have different themes. It’s like Hogwarts.
**Is it bad that for a split second I thought he would actually give me a math problem and I got a little bit excited? Only for a split second. I promise.
On a lighter note, look at this. I’m pretty sure it’s a Furby.
What are some of the worst pick up lines you have heard? And/or do you have any advice for this dude? Your thoughts – give them to me.