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I guarantee you this is the dumbest video you will watch today:

I was up at 5am that day, please forgive me.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how capable am I of bringing back yo-yo-ing?

 

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Along with my diary entries from when I was ten-years old, I also found my “Limited Too” journal from 6th grade.  This was more structured, meaning that it gave me places to record various things about my life.  Things I may want to know in the future.  Stuff like my most embarrassing moments, best friends, favorite colors and how dumb I was.  Yeah, I only filled out like 6 pages.  I really don’t know why anybody bothered buying me these things.

In honor of starting student teaching this year (yesterday was my first day of faculty meetings…what’s up?), I’m gonna showcase the “Predictions” page from this journal and then make some predictions of my own (click it for bigger image):

Translated:

  • My first car will be: a jeep
  • I will marry a boy named: Scott
  • My grades are going to be: outstanding
  • Next hot music group will be: a boy band
  • Next year’s popular fashion: sportswear
  • New hairstyle: same
  • Most popular color: green
  • I will become a: actress
  • I will make 10 new friends.

How did I do?

  • Wrong.  But thanks for the Aveo, Mom and Dad. I look really cool driving it.
  • Wrong. (99.99% sure.)
  • Nailed it.
  • Hmmm.
  • Seriously? Just because you thought you liked this when you wore them, doesn’t mean they were cool.
  • Same then. Same now.  Same always.
  • Timeless answer. And very specific too.
  • Actress, teacher…I mean, is there really any difference? Other than talent, personality and lack of stage fright??
  • Just for that year? No. The rest of your life? Roughly.

Predictions for this School Year:

  • The first subject I will teach: math
  • I will date a boy named: Kevin
  • My grades will be: dope
  • Next hot music group: a mariachi band
  • Next popular fashion: overalls
  • New hairstyle: same (variation: ponytail)
  • Most popular color: blue
  • I will become an: actress
  • I will make 0 to 1 new friends.

What is the square root of 162?  Leave your answer in simplest radical form. 

 

If you are not familiar with the “My Diary” series, click here, here and here.  And here. Just kidding. Made you hover. Basically, I take an entry from the diary I kept when I was ten years old, post it here for your viewing pleasure, and attempt to make fun of myself more than the diary already does for me. 

In honor of pre-season football starting, here is the fourth and the last entry from this particular diary
(I know, I was such an overachiever.):

Breakdown:

First of all, it’s pretty obvious that you’re forcing this whole diary-writing to happen.
The first three sentences you’re only giving the reader an unenthusiastic, striped-down summary of what literally happened.  If I could go back in time, I would like to ask myself: “Why are you even bothering?”.  What is the purpose of a diary if you don’t write down all the personal details that you would never tell anyone else or that you want to remember twelve years later?  “We had a lot of fun.”  Yeah, ten-year-old Brynn? Why are you trying to deprive me of my childhood memories?

Secondly, the Seinfeld-esque* rant on the Super Bowl didn’t even sound committed.
What is it about football that you don’t like, ten-year-old Brynn? I don’t remember the last Super Bowl game that I didn’t completely enjoy, so can I at least get some insight on why this event perplexed you? (The first part of the last sentence was an untruth). Maybe you don’t understand sports because you prefer reading and lack hand-eye/foot-eye/brain-body coordination, but if your gonna criticize, put some passion into it, okay? And no, elongating a word with extra vowels does not count.

Lastly, your transitions show a lack of expertise and unconcern for this entry’s readability.
You jumped straight from “Julia” to the “Super Bowl” to “Max’s friends” to “Ian’s caterpillars”. And then you just abruptly and informally conclude.  Yes, the average reader could infer that you brought up the SB because you were breaking down this day’s events, and that possibly Max’s friends came over because of the game.  But where does Ian’s caterpillars being “crystalight” fit in? Did mom turn them into a beverage that you enjoyed at the game? Did watching them provide you reprieve from the shenanigans you believed were occurring? Did they stir any emotions that inspired you to write this diary entry? I’m afraid the reader was left confused, detached and possibly even angry.

*Imagine me standing in front of small comedy club at the age of ten: “The Super Bowl. I mean, what’s the deal with that? It’s just football!”.  Then imagine some boo-ing. No, not ghosts.

What was your favorite pet/animal growing up?

Harry Potter, butterflies and the debt crisis.

What do these things have in common?

Nothing. Sorry! like the board game. I tricked you.

But now that you are reading this, you might as well stay a while, right? (This is where you force a laugh, accept some of the expired cookies I offer you, and then stay to be polite.)

I thought it would be fun to do a post where I use math to describe some facets of my life.

Like I posted on my “new about me” and like I have seen on many blogs I read, y’all don’t like math that much. Sorry about the “y’all”. It just felt right.

So here we go…these are some graphs that I drew:

1. The exponential relationship between my responsibilities and productivity level.

2. The inverse relationship between my advanced math skills and basic math skills.

3. The hyperbolic relationship between my mental and physical health.

If you got to this point, you are my new best friend.

In other news…

I’m outta of school for a bit, which means a couple things: I have free time & I need to get ahead of the schedule on some responsibilities. So I need your help.

1) Give me your Netflix/Hulu show and movie recommendations.

AND/OR

2) I need to research ideas for a math workshop for middle/high school girls. Should be fun and rich in math content. (Stop laughing.) Any ideas?? (Past workshops featured Rubik’s Cube, Sudoku, origami, etc….and tied them in with math concepts.)

P.S. Thank you for all the teaching advice I received on my last post! You guys are the best. You’re the best around and nothing’s ever gonna bring you down.

This past Friday I finished summer school! I completed five classes in 7.5 weeks.  These will all go toward my teaching credential and M.Ed. And if you didn’t already know, I also did some “apprentice teaching” last semester.  It was basically tutoring.  Except the people your tutoring don’t really want your help.

This means I am now officially an expert and am qualified to give you advice on teaching and will ask you repeatedly if you are doing what I told you to do and how it working out for you because I know everything except how to not write run-on sentences because I got my degree in math and not English.

So here we go.

How To Be A Teacher:

  1. Always be eating an apple.
  2. And request them as gifts.
  3. Use words to convey information.
  4. Pictures are nice too.
  5. Learn to like people below the age of 18.
  6. Use fancy words like “differentiated learning” and “social curriculum” around other teachers.
  7. Use words like”swag” and “Snookie” around your students.
  8. If possible, relate every lesson to Harry Potter. (Example: Integers :: Proper Fractions as Muggle Platforms :: Wizard Platforms.)
  9. Stop shopping in the young adults section.
  10. What’s that? You don’t look like an 18 year old? You have a beard? Stop bragging.
  11. Don’t have a Facebook. Make your Facebook private/unsearchable.
  12. That’s all I got.

In all seriousness, I am starting student teaching in less than a month. You have all been students. Some of you are teachers. Give me your best advice. Go.

To preface this like the thing that comes before your face, I’m sorry that it’s been so long since I have posted.  And by sorry, I mean your welcome that you got a break from seeing me self-promote on Facebook.  Unless of course you enjoyed reading these posts, and in that case, I am sorry mom and grandma…I’m trying to call more often.  Anyway, I don’t wanna whine, but if I’m Harry Potter, then grad school has been a Dementor.  But back to this post thing I decided to write. Stop interrupting me.

So a few weeks ago I started going to the  bi-weekly free yoga classes at my apartment complex (which I guess would be the same place Yoga Guy lives, unless he really lives under a bridge and eats children and then sneaks into our apartment for free fitness classes).  I read somewhere that working out was good for your body or something like that so I thought I should give it a go-go. Anywho, classes start at seven, but we were a little bit behind schedule and the class was getting full.  At about 7:05, a short, hairy and bad smelling (that’s a lie, I didn’t smell him) guy walks in.  Waltzing straight up to the teacher, he states in an accusatory tone “This class is a lot more full than usual.”  First of all, who are you? Literally. I don’t recognize you.  I’m no Jedi-Yogi-Master, but I haven’t seen you at any of the past five (count ’em! so healthy.) classes I have been to.  Second of all, umm…should she be apologizing for being awesome and having a really great chanting voice that makes people want to do yoga with her?  I don’t think so.  Never apologize for who you are, cus baby you were born that way. Can I get an amen, Lady GaGa? 

I was about to let this go, but then he bypasses the space on the floor next to me, and rolls out his hot pink yoga mat DIRECTLY in front of mine.  The ends touch.  First of all, personal space.  Second of all, seriously? Directly in front of me?  *Insert joke about his back making a better door/wall/opaque substance than a window**.

But then, before I can imagine myself saying something in a non-passive aggressive manner, the empty spot next to me is taken and I am stuck behind this dude like the guy in 127 Hours was stuck under the boulder.  The teacher starts giving her intro speech and he is full on stretching in front me, his buttox entering my personal bubble on multiple occasions.  I retreat towards the back wall as far as I can, inching slightly to the side and making annoyed faces that I hope he sees reflected in the front mirror.  But that would be assuming that he was human and not a robot programmed to make my life slightly less than comfortable.

Needless to say, rather than “drawing inward”, I spend the next hour using the power of this injustice to propel me to the next level of yoga-ness.  I believe it’s called Nirvana. RIP Kurt Cobain.

Point in case, don’t be that guy.

Who are the other annoying characters at gyms/yoga studios/etc?

Wow, it’s been a while since I last posted. Sorry Grandma.

Anyway, this is kind of a strange day. And kind of a strange week. Here’s why:

  1. It’s technically the last day of my undergraduate career, even though I finished finals on Monday (boo ya shaka).
  2. I completed my first reading assignment for grad school, which starts next week. (Oh ya, no problem UCSD…it wasn’t like I wanted to spend my insignificantly small summer break relaxing or anything).
  3. It was also my very last day at the high school I had been working at all year.  It was whack.
  4. Which reminds me that my students might be able to see this, since they have been openly Googling my name during class. Not creepy at all.
  5. Here’s a shout-out to any one actually found this: YOU WERE MY FAVORITE STUDENT! YES, YOU. SERIOUSLY. DON’T DO DRUGS. STAY IN SCHOOL.
  6. Back to my day. To top off these goodbyes, I had a meeting at the new high school I’ll be doing my student teaching next year. They gave me a sticker for my car. Heck yes.
  7. Basically it was a hello goodbye day. Like The Beatles song. And like that band that I never listened to in high school.
  8. Also, I was just looking through my closet and I found a door in the back which opened up to this place called Narnia, where I met talking animals and then became queen and lived there for about 60 years. But when I came back, no time had passed. It was weird.
  9. Just kidding. I mean JK. No, not JK Rowling. C.S. Lewis.
  10. I just thought there should be ten things on this list.

Any who…I would like to be this person more than anyone in the world please make that happen and I’ll love you forever and ever amen:

 

Okay bye.

Do you like animals?